BREAKING: New Potential CCP Spy Threat Detected On U.S. Soil!

Here we go again 🙄

A new unidentified...but definitely Chinese 😉...potential spy platform was detected on U.S. soil about two hours ago by an Illinois State Trooper highway patrol chopper, traveling westbound on Interstate 90.

An anonymous White House source has said, "It appears to be a small Asian man...possibly a 'Little Person'...driving a radio-controlled children's Jeep Wrangler battery powered car westbound on the shoulder of I-90, currently just outside of Madison, Wisconsin. He has some sort of high tech surveillance device on his head, and is traveling at speeds up to 3 mph, mostly just smiling and waving at other motorists. That's all we know at this time."

An unnamed Pentagon official released an additional statement, saying "Faaack no we're not shooting at it! Are you outside of your mind, son?! Madison's a highly populated city! The lil' fucker could veer off course and run somebody's toe over! Plus we don't want to piss off the CCP. Or midgets...FUCK!! I meant LITTLE PEOPLE!!” <drops and starts doing push-ups for violating U.S. military diversity protocol>

An unidentified civilian interviewed at the scene who witnessed the possible CCP espionage asset said, "I was just out here in the front yard working on today's Wordle and waiting around for some snow to measure...I measure snow here in Wisconsin for the weather bureau...anyway, he just rolled by real slow. Smiled and waved at me, and yelled something like "Rets Go Blandon!", which must be Chinese because I don't know what that means, and then just kept rolling down the 90. Seemed like a nice enough 'lil fella. Sure hope he doesn't get hurt.”

We've reached out to Beijing for a statement on this matter, and they simply texted back "🤣🤣🤣".

More on this developing potential new Big Guy national security risk crisis as it becomes available.