Follow-Up to last night's "Weird Dark Fun Poll & Contest!"
From the 'Chit You Can't Say On Facebook' files! 😉
We had a great response to the "Weird Dark Fun Poll" last night!
Some of you people are pretty cracked. 😏
Original question was...
If you were stranded on a deserted island with Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton and Alexandria Ocasio, which one would you eat for sustenance, which one would you burn to signal passing ships, and which one would you bury up to their neck in the sand below the tide line for entertainment.
While there are no "wrong answers", there was one "correct" answer with logic-based reasoning behind it that I had in mind, and this is it...
I would eat Hillary Clinton (that was hard af to type 😑) for sustenance. Everybody mostly went for ‘fresh & tender’ with AOC, and said Hillz & Nancy would be too tough and gnarly. This isn't Hell's Kitchen, folks. You're on a deserted island. It's not about flavor and presentation…it’s about survival skills. And Hillary would clearly provide way more usable protein than the other two scrawny bags 'o bones. And it would be quality protein, with super high fat content, and packed with the calories you'd need to potentially survive your dire circumstances. No brainer.
I would set Nancy on fire to signal passing ships. My theory on this might be “chemically flawed”, but I have to think that 60+ years of hard drinkin' would leave some long lasting effects, all the way to the core of someone’s body. Maybe all that alcohol got worked in and compacted into her. I'm just picturing her bones burning for hours, like road flares, giving you up to 206 shots at signaling a passing ship with the smoke, and thus being rescued.
And I'd bury the circusmonkey up to her neck in the sand below the high tide mark for entertainment, because it would take her the longest to figure out what was going on, if she ever even did, so it'd clearly be the most entertaining. I'd be like, "No seriously...this is how the natives from the Cocos Islands used to harvest clams back in the 18th century. Just stay still, and when you feel another clam bumping up against yours, clench your thighs up tight and hold it, and I'll come over and dig you out. Then we won't have to eat schnasty Hillary chops today." And she'd be like, "Duuuh...okay, Daddy!" If you tried it with either of the other two, they'd catch on right away, and it'd be nothing but hours of twatgoblin caterwauling, desperate threats and bribery attempts. That wouldn't be entertaining at all.
So nobody really "nailed" it on the reasons part...which speaks well for your personal mental integrity and well-being...although a few of you were close enough for prizes. So I'm going back for a closer review of your ideas, and I'll hand out some prizes accordingly.
Big thanks to everyone who 'played’!
This was fun, and we'll do more like it in the future.
~G
Congratulations to Debra, Priscilla and Kira for coming "close enough" to reading my mind as anyone should ever have to. lol
Y'all got an extra week added on to your subscriptions.
I know, the contest is over, but these were my thoughts…
I’d bury Nancy up to her neck below the high tide line. Reason - she’s not suitable for either of the other two purposes. There’s not much meat on her and what is there is very old, so too tough and stringy to want to eat. You notice you never find old turkeys in the meat department in grocery stores. They always say “young” on the package. She’s not useful for a signal fire either. The high alcohol content in her body makes her too flammable and she would burn out too quickly before a ship even had a chance to pass by my island.
In stark contrast, Hillary is perfect for the signal fire. Her very high fat content represents a veritable Amazon warehouse-sized store of slowly combustible material. Anyone who’s every grilled a steak or burger knows that fat is flammable once it melts. I think she’d burn so long that they’d have to send one of those firefighting planes to put her out after I’m rescued.
By the process of elimination, that leaves AOC to be the source of my gastronomic sustenance. Personally, I’d rather use her as bait to try to catch a shark or other predatory fish, then use my catch as my sustenance. But since that wasn’t any of the allowed choices, I would have to cook and eat AOC, but I would ensure she was cooked to well done. While I usually prefer my steak cooked to medium, in this case the higher internal temperature is critical to ensure that whatever proteins in her which are responsible for her being so stupid will be completely denatured and degraded into harmless, nutritious individual amino acids.