These giant flying bug monsters are swarming my city. It's like Exodus 10:3-6 out there. 😣
I've never seen one before that I remember and now they're all over the place like that 20-year cicada cycle thing. So I go on Google and type in something like "Awful, giant, ugly, flying bug monster. Brown with spots, wings bright red when open to fly up and attack you. Might be sentient. Bitch lifted it's head and looked right at me.”
Turns out it's a Lanternfly, an invasive species first spotted in Pennsylvania (🙄) in 2014.
And it's originally from China! Faaaaack! 😖 That's the last thing my functionally-paranoid Biden America '23 oddbrain needed to hear! One plague?! Okay. That's just an individual act of war and the current apogee for crimes against humanity. But two plagues?! C'mon, man... 😑 C'mon Man! 🤨
Also, the NYS Dept. of Environmental Protection says if you see one of these things you're supposed to kill it. Faaack that too! I'm not seeing one of these beasts. I'm seeing hundreds of them! What am I fucking Fred Astaire, I'm gonna tapdance my way to the deli every morning stomping these things out for you?! Who's got time for that?! Well, technically I do right now...🤔 But that's not the point! 😣 You're the DEP! Come and Protect us from this Environ-Mentally surreal thing, ya pack of bureaucratic slackers!
I will keep you posted on this situation for as long as I'm able.
Keep me in your thoughts.
Management note...
I faaacking HATE bugs! 😆
It wasn't looking at you, it was performing a retina scan to identify you, and a clone of you is being created as we speak. You will be replaced by a likeness, who is much more compliant, shortly.